


The Deserter

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Fire, Canon Compliant, Ficlet, Grief/Mourning, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In a way, he is glad that he has let himself become so out of shape.  It forces him to train all day. Push-ups. Pull-ups. Handstands. Crunches. Focus only on the training, he orders himself—no time to think of anything else."</p><p>He is a deserter. He disobeys orders, even his own. As hard as he tries, he cannot help but think about what has been lost, and what might have to be done.</p><p>Iroh in prison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Deserter

The eclipse is coming; Iroh feels it in his bones like a dull, growing ache. While he dare not firebend in here—better to make the guards think he is weak and useless—he has tested this theory by heating his breath slightly and has noticed that with each day, he requires more and more energy to do so. It will not be long now until firebending—both his and the guards’—does not work at all. But the window will be short; he must be ready. 

In a way, he is glad that he has let himself become so out of shape. It forces him to train all day. Push-ups. Pull-ups. Handstands. Crunches. Focus only on the training, he orders himself—no time to think of anything else. Think only of how the muscles burn, focus only on counting the number of pull-ups, remember only to clap between push-ups. Think of nothing else. (For instance, do not think of Zuko’s visit last week, of his words: _I’m losing my mind! Please, Uncle, I’m so confused, I need your help!_ And then: _Forget it! I’ll solve this myself! Waste away in here for all I care!_ Do not think of the desperation, the pleading, in his voice, even after it turned venomous. Do not think of how you forced yourself to turn away from him because you refuse to be another force bearing down on him, refuse to be another old man demanding that he take the so-called honorable path. Do not think about the fact that he might not find his way on his own, that you may never be able to speak to him—your nephew, your surrogate son—again.) Do not think of these things. Focus only on your handstands, old man. 

He has to stop training to eat. When he does, he tries to focus on only the taste of the food—on savoring the taste of the White Jade tea when the kind guard Ming can sneak it to him. (He is not lying when he tells her, as he has repeatedly, that these small acts of kindness have made his time in prison bearable—the tea, the rice, they give him something to cling to.) But even the tea is not enough; his mind wanders…White Jade Tea, that time he mistook a White Jade Bush for a White Dragon Bush, made tea with it…Zuko fabricating terrible Earth Kingdom names for the healer, Zuko calling him Mushi…Zuko calling him Mushi all that time they were in Ba Sing Se…He and Zuko in Ba Sing Se… _It’s a new day; things are looking up, Uncle!_ ….Zuko…might never speak to Zuko again…might have to...

He takes to eating while doing pull-ups. 

Were it up to him, he would train around the clock. But he is a military man, _was_ a father, and knows all his exercise will be useless if his body is not rested. Sleep does not always come easily, however. When he lies down and finds himself staring at the bars over his head, finds that his mind wants to dwell, he recites over and over the steps he will take: _Break out of prison; Assemble the Order of the White Lotus; Establish a battle plan; Re-take Ba Sing Se; Break out of Prison; Assemble the Order of the White Lotus…_ There is exactly one month in between the eclipse and Sozin’s Comet—and he believes the power the comet will give him, combined with the respective skills of the other masters in the Order is the best chance they will have at retaking the city when they are so outmatched. Of course, the entire Fire Nation army defending Ba Sing Se will also have enhanced abilities. But he is the Dragon of the West, and has learned to firebend from the masters Ran and Shaw themselves. With the aid of the Order, he will outbend the Fire Nation Army, defeat them all. 

And on these sleepless nights as he stares at the ceiling of his cell, this is what most terrifies him. Not that he will never look Zuko in the eyes again, not that he will never speak to him again—though these things weigh on him too—but that he will have to face Zuko in battle, and that he will win. His nephew is skillful, a determined bender. But Iroh trained him. Iroh is better. And Zuko, confused and terrified, yet resolute, bows to Ozai even now. Zuko will not be fighting alongside Iroh for this battle. And if it comes to it, Iroh will not be able to put his family, his beloved nephew, his surrogate son, his heart, above peace and balance in the world, however much he longs to. However much _not_ doing so might destroy him.

The last time he attempted to conquer Ba Sing Se, his son ended up dead in his arms. He was hardly the only one—so many sons died—and it was his fault, _all_ his fault, for being too blind to the Fire Nation propaganda, and too obsessed with personal and national glory, to see what the war was. Lu Ten died in his father’s arms, and Iroh was to blame…but Iroh did not strike the blow that killed him. This time, if his cherished one is to die fighting for the Fire Nation, Iroh knows that he must be the one to strike that blow. He will not allow another member of the Order to defeat Zuko; he must do his nephew the honor of doing it himself.

When he finally falls asleep, Iroh dreams of Lu Ten outside of the Earth Kingdom Royal Palace, dressed in his Officer’s uniform. He dreams of himself fighting Lu Ten, sending flames hurtling toward his son without mercy. One of these flames hits the young man in the face, and he screams. But it is Zuko’s scream, not Lu Ten’s, that Iroh hears, as he heard it three years ago. And when the flames clear, it is Zuko’s face staring back at him, freshly burned, betrayed. 

Each time he wakes from this dream, gasping, he orders himself not to weep. But Iroh is famous in the Fire Nation as a deserter. 

He does not obey.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


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